Of Words and of Cake











{January 31, 2009}   Sap disgusts me

I don’t know why I do it, but I occasionally go to my Ex’s deviantArt page to see what’s up.

I never realized how much of a goddamn sap he is.  I… It makes me sick.  Such a hopeless romantic, and I mean seriously.  He lays it on so thick.  So, so thick and it’s just unbelievable that his long distance girlfriend can actually put up with that bull… and then go ahead and do the same thing.

No, it’s not jealousy.  It’s not envy.  I truly, honestly, cannot stomach that kind of sappy love stuff.  How the… How did I ever manage to put up with that?  The constant reaffirmation of love… as though if it’s not done, it’ll mean the end of it.

Unbelievable.



{January 7, 2009}   Sleep

You go to sleep, and suddenly I’m bored out of my mind.

WTF.

Stop that.



{September 14, 2008}   Wrapped in Bacon

She couldn’t figure it out. Whatever angle she looked at it with, it just didn’t make sense. Like one of those stair paintings… they went nowhere despite looking as though they had a purpose or direction. And just like those stair paintings, she couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop thinking about it, couldn’t stop trying to rationalize what could not be rationalized.  A sigh forced itself from her lips and she rested her left forearm on her forehead. She shifted on her bed of earth, drawing a leg up and opening her eyes to stare at the endless canopy of stars.

It’s a paradox, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in bacon… because everything’s better wrapped in bacon. She smiled slightly at this thought, remembering the British Lit. professor it had come from.  At the time he had been talking of satire.  Certainly not about what occupied her mind now.  Bacon, she thought.  I haven’t had bacon in months.

How was it that something so maddeningly frustrating could keep her this captivated and leave her wanting more?  It was so unlike her.  The more she saw, the more she feared, the more she craved… It was different.  It was new.  It was frightening.  She wanted to know why and, despite her best efforts, could not begin to understand.

Knowing was becoming a matter of principal.  She was determined to make sense of it.  If that meant losing herself to it, then so be it, but perhaps then she could rest easy.

Man, I wish I had some bacon…



{September 14, 2008}   Playing God

I saved a bee’s life yesterday…

It was a lazy day.  I was lounging on the hammock by the pool, texting Jason, and just thinkin’ about stuff.  I was about to go back inside; – the day was hot, and I was in dark jeans and a dark tank – I had sat up and swung my legs over the edges of the white rope hammock, just staring at nothing… When I noticed a poor insect had gotten itself into a bit of trouble in the pool.

I watched for a bit.  The water rippled in a circle around it, sometimes looking like a satin ribbon whispering in a breeze about its legs as it struggled to free itself from the clutches of its watery nightmare.  I stood up, checking the most recent text I had gotten on my orange, enV phone, flipped the phone open to its qwerty keyboard (which is awesome for those that don’t care to learn how to text via number pad…), and sent my response.  With a quick snap, I closed the phone and made as if to go back into the house, when I again noticed the poor bug that was struggling to survive.

It’s a strange feeling, watching something you know is about to die, and also knowing you have the capacity to save it.  Like playing God.  I knelt down at the edge of the pool, studying the now-confirmed bee closer.  It’s transparent wings were wet… useless.  Antennae barely keeping above the surface of the water.  Six black legs twitching furiously, dark, orange-yellow and black striped abdomen dipping down into the water as though it would be enough thrust to free it, yet its wings hung limply down its back.  It only succeeded in turning itself in a circle.  Every now and again it ceased its struggle and I wondered if it had finally given up.  No.  A moment’s rest to calm its screaming limbs that were quite possibly burning from exertion, before frantically, futilely trying to free itself.

Maybe it knew it wanted to live.  Maybe it was just a simple creature and all it was relying on was survival instincts.  I can’t pretend to know what goes on in the minds of bees, but I imagine this one was crying out, “Oh shit, save me!”  I took pity on it.  Why? I don’t know.  I glanced around behind me, knowing there had to be a dried up leaf I could use to scoop it up.  I spotted one with a nice long stem, picked it up, and reached out to the poor creature.  I didn’t know if the disturbance the leaf would create would cause my rescue project to swirl away from me, so I angled in from behind, dipping the leaf in and getting the bee stuck on its edge.

Success!  I placed the dried leaf on the concrete walkway around the pool and continued to watch this now-fortunate bee.  It seemed disorriented as it tried to grasp what just happened, and by what good fortune it was rescued.  If I didn’t know better, and if bees could feel emotions, I’d like to think it was grateful to me.
.
.
.
.
.

Oh… and I really… really hate my imagination.  Can’t do much to alleviate that burning desire for shower sex you so kindly put into my head.



It’s an odd, uncomfortable feeling when your own brain actually itches.

This is worse than that damned spot on your back that’s just out of reach because you can always ask somebody else to scratch it for you.  I think I may die if somebody were to really itch my brain.

Who wants to try it?



{September 13, 2008}   I should have been a fisherman

I stare down at the notebook resting against my knees. Blank. The top of my black, gel ink pen is tapping furiously against my chin. My brow is furrowed in thought as ideas, scenarios, descriptions, and sentences flow through my mind like a river. As ever flowing as a river is, it never stops, it is unable to be caught and held. Fleeting.

I lean my head back against the patio furniture, squinting against the morning sun that’s rising to my right. Clear blue skies… cloudless… with a temperature of already 90 degrees. It’s only 8:30am. I sigh. I can feel the need to write those ephemeral thoughts down on paper, the want to get them flowing through my pen instead of through my mind and lost to the void, yet as soon as I place the pen to paper, they vanish. Like seeing a certain star out of the corner of your eye, only to have it disappear when you move to focus on it.

I take the pen away and close my eyes. The thoughts come flowing back. Funny, they remind me now as a school of minnows swimming through the Niagara river. Their scales flash and twinkle up at me as the sun hits them while they swim along. Inviting me to join them; join in their fun. I go to touch one, but the moment the tip of my fingers touch the surface of the water, they scatter, afraid of being caught.

Perhaps I should have learned to fish before I became a writer.



{March 18, 2008}   I’m being badgered

Seriously. Between my fiance, Wailin and friends/random people, I’ve been beaten to a fine pulp. Too bad for them, ’cause pulp has no fingers with which to type and is too soft to mash keys in on the keyboard! Bwahahah—

What? How am I writing this post right now, you ask? …

Damnit.

Alright, alright. I’ll consider writing again soon. See that? Consider. I make no guarantees you mean, mean people! Be happy you even got THIS post out of me.

~Erri



{November 24, 2007}   The Inquisitor

The guardsman hesitated outside the Inquisitor’s office.  It was bad enough that he was the lucky person to report, but he knew the Inquisitor wouldn’t take the news well.  I’m getting too old for this, he thought, sighing.  He pulled his hand down his face, but stopped to pinch the bridge of his nose.  It wouldn’t do well to keep the man waiting, so the guard hardened his resolve and knocked on the thick, wooden door.

“What is it?” Spoke a deep voice.

“I’ve come to report, sir,” the guard called back.  There was some form of confirmation, he didn’t really hear what, and he slowly opened the door.  If he had never been in the Inquisitor’s office prior to this, he would’ve been shocked.  Nevertheless, the man’s taste in décor was unsettling, to say the least.

Shelves stocked with jars of nails and of pickled body parts, rows of fractured bones, and numerous devices that were the cause of the gruesome collection lined the walls.  Four skulls sat in each corner of the Inquisitor’s desk, their lifeless eyes testament to the man’s cruelty. The guardsman cringed as he walked past a severed head suspended in what looked like green goo. Its eyes were bulged slightly from the sockets, and its mouth was open to reveal the lack of tongue. He couldn’t even begin to fathom why the Inquisitor insisted on keeping these atrocities. The Inquisitor himself was seated on a solid oak chair with blood red cushions. He was absently turning a skull over in his hands, prodding a nasty-looking gouge in the middle of the forehead. It was no doubt the cause of death for that person.

The Inquisitor didn’t look up. Not even when the guardsman cleared his throat. The subordinate shifted uncomfortably. It was impossible to tell what kind of mood the Inquisitor was in, and that did not bode well. The Inquisitor was famous for his unpredictable temper, and woe to the person unfortunate enough to be caught in its wrath. The guardsman took a deep breath, ready to report the situation, but was stopped before he got the first syllable out.

“Do you know what I abhor?” The man behind the desk was now staring so intently at the gouge in the skull that the guardsman was sure it would catch fire.

“N-No, sir,” the guardsman replied.

The Inquisitor held the skull up with one hand. The muscles in his arm bulged, and his square jaw tightened visibly. He was not an unattractive man by any standard. He was physically fit, almost to perfection; a clean-shaven jaw, with the exception of a small, dark patch on his chin; and had very strong facial features that had most women fawning over him in seconds. His hair was dark, like a raven’s, and was kept short and neat, but the most noticeable feature was his eyes. They were like a predator’s: ever watching, ever searching, and never missing a movement his prey makes. These eyes were now seeing into the past as they continued to burn into the skull.

“I despise guilty men and women that die before they confess to their crimes,” he growled. His hand tightened around the jaw until it finally gave way and was crushed in his iron grip. His nostrils flared with contempt, and he threw the remains of the skull against the wall. “The Guilty should never be freed before their crimes have been paid for.”

“Yes, sir. Understood, sir,” the guardsman said, trying to avoid this man’s temper.

“I doubt you do,” the Inquisitor replied darkly. The man made an effort to calm down, and let out a long sigh. “You have something to report?”

“Yes, sir,” the guardsman saluted. “There has been a recent disturbance in the western dungeon. Reports of guards going missing and loud, explosive crashes in the lowest sector.”

“What?” The Inquisitor roared. He slammed his palms down on the desk and stood up in a fury. His ghostly eyes glowered at the guardsman. “You want to tell me that again?”

“I—Yes, sir. There appears to have been loud explosions and crashes in the lowest sector of the western dungeon. A few guards have gone missing…” The Inquisitor raised an eyebrow, causing the guard to hurry his report. “That is to say, we haven’t been able to find them anywhere in the western dungeon after the crashes. In fact, ahh,” the guardsman fidgeted with the hilt of his sword, unable to look the Inquisitor in the eye, “we can’t exactly get past the first destroyed door, sir.”

“You ‘can’t exactly get past’?”

“Ahh, no, sir.  It appears to be blocked.”

“What kind of men cannot get past a blocked door?  Imbeciles!” The Inquisitor vaulted over his desk, causing two of the skulls to tumble to the floor, and shoved the guard out of his way with such force that it caused the poor man to crack his head on the wall and crumple to the floor. The Inquisitor did not care. He only prayed to get to the western dungeon before that bitch escaped. He could not let her. “Arianna Vhael,” he hissed. “You will not escape justice.”



{November 21, 2007}   Private Hell

Drip.

A pregnant pause before anoth – drip.

It was the only audible sound in her own private hell, and it was driving her insane. How many times had she tried to keep track of the drips? Too many. Drip. She cringed and curled into a tighter ball, ignorant of the cuts and scrapes she received on her ankles from moving against such a coarse surface. Drip. A small groan escaped her parched throat. It was torturous listening to the dripping of water when she was without any. The sound echoed off the stone walls – Drip – and she crunched her shaking fists to her ears. She wasn’t sure if she could endure this life (was she even still alive?) much longer. If she could have, she would’ve cried right then, but the tears never came. A pathetic shell of a human…Drip… that’s what she was.

There was no way to mark the time. No window to the outside world. She couldn’t recall how long she’d been without human contact; at least not since she had confessed. Drip. Confessed? To what? She removed her hands from her ears, and hugged her arms to herself. She couldn’t even remember what warmth felt like. Her eyes went out of focus, seeing into a far off world. …A dream?

‘Alright, alright!’ the words tore from her throat as her torturers were preparing to rip off another toe nail. She shook. Agony seared through every nerve on her body. It was a wonder she was still conscious, much less able to talk. ‘Alright…’ she choked through the tears.

‘Do you confess?’ the Inquisitor’s voice was heavy. She couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed. ‘Well, wench?’ The pressure on her toe returned.

Confess? To what? She didn’t know what she had done to end up in this position or what she was supposed to be confessing. The nail began to tear away from the skin. She gasped in shock at the fresh bloom of pain, her eyes going wide.

‘Yes!’ she sputtered, desperate to make them stop. ‘Yes! I confess! I did it!’ She couldn’t stop shaking even as the Inquisitor wrenched her head upwards by her hair to look him in the eye.

Those eyes. She wanted anything but to have to stare into them. They were sharp, hawk-like, as though they could pierce a person’s soul if the Inquisitor so chose. They were such a light blue that they almost had no color at all. Her breath came in short, fearful bursts, unsure of what he was going to do next; unable to read those dangerous eyes.

‘Filth,’ he spat in her face. ‘Take her away. I never want to see this whore again.’

Rough hands lifted her up and half carried, half dragged her to her cell, and then unceremoniously threw her into it. Her head cracked against the wall and unconsciousness finally claimed her.

She slowly sat up, mindlessly massaging her toes. Seven nails were missing, replaced by bloodied scabs that never healed in this dank environment. It was a miracle they hadn’t succumbed to gangrene. How long had it been? Had that even been real? It felt as though her mind was playing tricks on her, fabricating memories to answer the questions she asked. Squeak.

Her head snapped up. Never before had she heard that noise. Not even when food was slid beneath her door from time to time. Tricks again? She shook her head. This noise was real, she just knew it. She thought she heard the soft footfalls of someone trying to be quiet. There was a jingle as metal struck metal. Almost like keys…

“Hello?” she croaked. Her voice was barely audible, but it had apparently been heard.

“Hold on now, Miss.” The voice was hushed, but she could still feel its soothing quality. “Gods damn these infernal keys,” he hissed. “You clear of the door?”

“Y-Yes,” she replied, shakily getting to her feet and pressing against the far wall.

“Good.” He whispered something she couldn’t hear, and then…

Bang!

The wooden door fell forward, splintered at the hinges, and landed with heavy thud. The man stepped forward and stopped as he finally got a look at her. He squinted, sizing her up and down. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt self conscious, and wished her captors had at least given her some rags to cover up with.

This is who I’m supposed to save?” he asked, as though speaking to somebody else. Sighing, he extended his hand to her. “Well, c’mon, then.”



My first post, eh?  I don’t have much to say, having spewed out all my words on my “About” page.  So you are left with this sad little post which has no meaning whatsoever.  Isn’t it grand?

You will get writing soon.  I hope.



et cetera